Gay Your Life Must Be?

I've gotta apologise for my lack of blogging action...

Sorry...

It's because over the last two weeks I've been too busy avoiding swine flu and gangland murders... seriously, all the good shit happens 10 minutes north of Melbourne CBD.

Anyway, for todays blog you'll be treated to my unbiased award-winning journalistic expose on a court battle. Native birds of Australia take on a classic Australian song in a class action law suit.

Men At Work Vs Kookaburras of Australia

Exhibit A.


Remember this song?
How could you not? If you grew up in Australia, you sang it... we ALL sang it. Quintessential Ozzie nursery rhyme. A "seminal" song in all our lives.

Exhibit B.


Remember this song?

If you were a sailing fan in 1983 you would know that Australia II won the America's Cup. The fist time a non-american boat had won The Americas Cup in 6,000 years.

The boat had a SICK sound system.

After they won, they pumped "The Land Down Under at full volume across San Francisco Bay. It was an historic sporting moment and "Land Down Under" became the historic boat's official anthem.

That very day, Prime-minister Bob Hawke made it a public holiday and the whole country got wasted while listening to the song. Whistling the flute line stupidly with some serious national pride.

The song reached number one on Australia, US and UK charts... It made soooooooo much cash for it's songwriter Colin Hay and the rest of the boys in Men At Work...




BUT!!!!!!

There's a line of the flute theme is "allegedly" direct musical quote of the opening line of the Kookuburra laughs theme song. It enters the song about half a dozen times.

It's something that I've noticed for years but it's something that the publishers of the nursery rhyme only just noticed. Apparently after watching an episode of Spics and Specs. Now they're takin it to court.

It's quite possible that the publishers of the nursery rhyme will receive a payout of millions and millions of dollars...

So, since you're the jury.
Ask yourself these questions...

Does the flute line copy the nursery rhyme?
Is it obviously recognizable as a copy?
Does the flute line constitute a significant part of Men at Work's song?

If you ask me the answers are all... "f*ckin oath, yes"


But now it's your turn...
"TRIAL BY ILLEGETIMATE CHILDREN" requires you to leave a comment underneath this blog with the word GUILTY or INNOCENT.

If the answer is overwhlemingly "guilty" then I'll submit it to the supreme court of Australia and they'll tell Colin Hay (Men at work singer) to give a bunch of cash to every Kookaburra in Australia...

Don't be shy... if you get this blog via email, log into the site and leave a comment. Guilty or Innocent? Kookaburra or Colin? Patsy Bisco or Men at Work?

Housing Comission and Beethoven's 7th

Picture from www.theendstop.com

My blog on Saturday morning was crap. I read it back and was totally annoyed at myself... spelling mistakes, grammatical errors etc. It didn't flow very well at all... I've gotta get my shit together.

I've now gone through it and fixed some errors and laid it out better. Sorry. I really dig it when I hear that people read my blog and then I serve up shite like that!

I had a magical evening last Tuesday with my mum... We met after work, we went to a great Tapas resteraunt, drank some wine and had a good ole chat.

Then we walked past some of the most striking buildings in Melbourne on our way to the Rainbow Hotel.
I'm totally fascinated by the highrise housing commission on the corner of Gertrude Street and Fitzroy Street.

The area is sick to the power of mad. ;-)
Million dollar townhouses from early last century, fitted out with beautiful modern interiors, 5 star restaurants and uber trendy bars... and in the middle of it all?

3 monstrous, uber-functional skyscraping cubes. The Atherton Gardens Housing Commission flats. You could consider them an eyesore, but really, they are quite majestic.

from H.e.l.e.n.'s photostream on flickr

The reason we walked through the backstreets of Fitzroy and Collingwoord was to the Rainbow Hotel in order to watch Beethoven's 7th symphony. Performed in a tiny pub by a 25 piece orchestra of professional musicians and some of Australia's best young classical musicians.

25 musicians crammed an area that usually barely fits a 5 piece blues band. The pub, which is tiny was packed full of about 100 punters, you couldn't move... but we were all loving the music... and the environment.

It took all the pretence of the concert hall and packed a tiny suburban pub with beer swilling pub locals. The performance was top notch.

Criticism of classical music abound, but this gig was designed to make it accessible and realler. It was put on by a go-getter i know... check her out.

Normally when you go to see the symphony, you can't drink or talk during the performance. Their are strict protocols governing the performance of the orchestra and the applause and behavior of the audience.
My personal viewpoint ever since I've been going to watch classical music is that these protocols are "GHEY"... get over it. They've existed for hundreds of years but everyone is too scared to change them. Play the music. If you dig it, then let the band/ensemble/quartet/octet/trio know.

Mind you, if it's crap, then they don't deserve applause either.

This time, for this Symphony at the Rainbow Hotel, you could talk, laugh, order a pint of Mountain Goat, a house white wine and listen to the music, just like at a normal gig. You could talk trash and heckle the band (orchestra).
Except this the band wasn't a 4 piece playing indie rock... It was 25 musicians each playing instruments worth tens of thousands of dollars and the repertoire was almost 200 years old with a conductor.

I think Beethoven would have f*ckin loved the shit! I can see him getting into the Stones Ginger Wine at the bar, eating wasabi peas, listening intently between hitting on the barmaid. He'd be having a goddam hoot!

I'm not a classical music lover. I don't know enough of it even though I studied it for 4 years at uni. But I do love some classical music.

It's the same distinction I make for Metal (I love SOME of it but not the genre as a whole) same for Drum & Bass and Jazz...

One thing I do know is that classical music has a pretty bad wrap. The youth of today just don't get it. Which shits me... They write it off as if it all sounds the same...

And now... my point...

All music works through familiarity... If you give something a chance it'll grow on you (Kid A by Radiohead, TV On the Radio, Animal Collective, Fat Freddies Drop, The Beatles White Album)... The more you know a song, the more you can have a chance of liking it. You dont need to know that it is in sonata form, what key it's in, what extra-musical programatic meaning it has... just listen to it and soak it up mofos! If it's good music then it will speak to you in time...



So... next time you have the chance to listen to some classical music... listen to the same piece once a day for a week and I guarantee that you'll start to hummmmmm the melodies, tap your toes, nod your head and really dig that shit...

Will we still be listening to P!nk in 200 years?

F*CK. NO.

Don't Come To Victoria!

Currently I'm suffering from "FLU LIKE SYMPTOMS"...

Seems i've got the Swine.

Reason not to come to Victoria. Number 1.

Victoria's up to about 900 swine sufferers at the moment.



Below is a warning published at Singapore Governments crisis website:

Affected Areas

As of 3rd June, Singapore's Ministry of Health has classified the following as affected areas [that is, areas with evidence of community transmission of Influenza A (H1N1-2009)]:

Mexico
USA
Canada
Melbourne & the state of Victoria, Australia
Kobe & Osaka, Japan
Chile

The public is advised to avoid non-essential travel to the above affected areas.

Yep, seems my fair city is fourth in the list of places not to go to... after a bunch of small, unpopulated and inconsequential places which don't really count for much, called Mexico, the USA and Canada.

Reason not to come to Victoria. Number 2.

Melbournians are attacking Indian students...

No sh*t. Last Sunday I was heading to St. Kilda from Brunswick via public transport. It took 1.5 hours instead of 40 mins because thousands of Indian students were marching in the streets, screaming for justice and protection after a spate of racist attacks on public transport and university campus'.

It caused all public transport through the city to stopp running.
The protesting students didn't leave the intersection of Swanston Street and Flinders until they were dragged away by relatively violent force at 5am the next morning.


It made worldwide news... This from an article in Time Magazine

a disturbing side to Indian student life down-under has come to light, sparking allegations of widespread racism in Australian society, and a failure by law enforcement authorities to act. The first incident occurred in the early hours of May 24 at a suburban party in Melbourne, Australia's second largest city in the country's south.

I feel ashamed.


Reason not to come to Victoria. Number 3.

We're dumb.

I always thought that Victorians were the most cultured and intelligent people in Australia...

Which is what I said to a bunch of Queenslanders before the State of Origin Rugby League snooze fest on Wednesday. Here's edited highlights from an essay on the matter I received from a Queenslander.

Me (ever so smugly, via email):
Ha! ever wondered why Queensland needs to call itself "the smart state"

Fagan (a Queenslander, via email):

The principal at my sisters school recently made a joke about Queenslanders being slow in front of all the staff. This kinda pissed her off seeing she was spending her first year of teaching as a Queenslander in Victoria and she was quick to point out in front of everyone that whilst Queensland has the third worst literacy and numeracy rates in schools they are still better than Victoria (who are only marginally better then the Northern Territory)

You guys are allowed to be proud of your cultural capital though. It is the envy of every artistic person in Australia and as envy turns to desire you get thousands of intelligent artistic types moving to Melbourne from all over Australia and New Zealand thus making Melbourne the fastest growing city in Australia.

Queenslanders are proud too though, proud of our tropical climate and slower paced lifestyle. It too is the envy of many (it’s the second fastest growing city in Oz). Unfortunately though these are mostly over 60's or not so intelligent lower class bogans who don’t care for Melbourne’s artistic culture and realise that instead of living in the cold and working in a factory in Cranbourne they could be living in the tropics and working in a factory in logan.

So whilst our brothers and sisters up north of the tweed are doing their level best to improve their states Numeracy and literacy rates handicapped by the 1000s of stupid Victorians that move their each month, Victoria’s education rates will be benefiting from the children of artistic intellects that move to its cultural capital from interstate and a-broad.


Ouch...

Seriously, get ya shit together Melbourne...

I'm gonna drown my sorrows tonight with other Swine sufferers at the Gershwin Room at The Espy while listening to "seminal" Punk/Rubbish/Grunge/Sludge band Flipper play this uplifting song. Should be RAD.

Sepultura and Bamboo Flute

See these drums?
They're called Taiko

picture from www.disturbing.org.uk

Each drum is made from a single piece of wood and can be up two 2 metres in diameter.

They need incredible rich, strong, dense, old pieces of wood to make these drums.... They'll last forever.
Trees in Japan that come with trunks of beautiful wood several metres wide aren't exactly a dime a dozen. In fact wood of this quality takes at least three hundred years to grow.

It makes these drums priceless.

There are only a few Taiko craftsmen in the world, they come from families that have been making the drums for centuries... A Taiko drum maker today uses wood from a tree planted by his great, great, great, great, great, great, great grandfather in 1709. He tends to trees planted by all his forefathers since that day and this year will plant a couple more in order for them to be used by his descendants in 2309.

The music is amazing. The tradition is ancient. The performances are equal parts brut force, delicacy, coreography and athleticism.

A good friend of mine is part of amazing Taiko ensemble in Sydney called Taikoz... Check it.
Also if ya want, check out Kodo (the worlds leading Taiko ensemble) play in this video.


When i was a pimple-faced kid in year 9 i had a rather heavy crush on a girl... she was heaps dfrnt to the other girls in my school because she wore more black and liked heavy metal... (sigh). Because of her, my two favorite bands were Alice In Chains and Sepultura.

The point of the story is that we used to listen to a song called Kamaitachi. By Sepultura (who if ya didn't know, are a metal band from brazil). Kamaitachi was an instrumental track which featured KODO (the worlds leading Taiko Ensemble). They recorded it at Kodo Village, Sado Island, Japan.

Brazilian Metal, Ancient Japanese Master Drumming and Shakuhachi. The drums pound, the music is heavy and the combination is haunting and pretty powerful. Unlike a lot of the metal I listened to in those days, I still dig this song.





(Bonus creepy Sepultura claymation film clip of classic song Ratamahata)

Phoenix Love Like Sunset

1.

Back in my music studying days, me and my Marimba friends (my marimba friends and I) were playing a piece of music called 6 Marimbas by Steve Reich.
25 minutes of mallet percussion minimalism, the piece consisted of 6 fast interlocking patterns that played together (on... wait for it... 6 marimbas) for 15 minutes without a single change, until finally, after increasing tension we'd all change 1 single note. although the change was tiny, the release of tension was incredible, 1 note out of 15 minutes!!!! DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD THAT IS?

Let me tell you. F*ckin hard... !

It requires some serious freakin concentration. We invariably f*cked it up the unison change to a different key and the 15 minutes of increasing tension that we'd worked so hard to build would dissipate like the soft on I got from Sasha Barren Cohen giving me a T-Bag.

Steve Reich's music can build tension through repetition, making you increasingly uneasy...
or, it can be calming and intricate... soothing as bro.

Like this one. He wrote some corkers... I love this. Listen to how cleverly it evolves... It grooves hard but it calms as well. Beautiful. I think it's the stuff that dreams are made out of.



2.

When I was a young child my parents packed my sister and myself into a rented BMW and we spent 4 weeks driving through Italy, France and Austria.

Driving through France along the autobahn/freeway/racecourse we drove through dozens of tunnels every day.

photo by fgfathome on flickr

Everytime we entered a gaping black hole cut into the side of a mountain we'd trade the fresh alpine air, dark green forests and crisp blue skys for a world of pulsing of florescent pools of light and flashing headlights.
Some of the tunnels were 10-20 kilometres long. It was easy to forget where you were while traveling through them. You have no sense of distance, where you came from or where you are going... On the other side of the tunnel you were often greeted with a vastly different landscape from the one you left behind.

3.

Listening to triple j (even though I've now officially grown out of it) last Sunday night, they featured an interview with Phoenix.

Thomas Mars (the singer of phoenix) was telling Zan Rowe that the inspiration for this instrumental song came from the rhythm of tunnels that he drove through, driving from Versailles to Paris.... The pools of light, the passing cars, lines on the road, repetition etc. it took me back to my trip as soon as he said it.

He also said he was listening to Steve Reich at the time. The combination of the tunnels and mesmerizing minimalism inspired him to write these songs.



Rad hey? Very interesting... Its nice to hear inspiration like that. Quite filmic. Their version of minimalism is cool, although I think Phoenix could have been a little more ambitious. I would have lost my sh*t if they'd stretched the opening out for another 5-10 minutes before changing to the accoustic guitar and then beat.

Part two is really pretty, a nice contrast to the first part... with words n' stuff.

There ya go....

The Middle East and Porcine Influenza

600,000 Melbournian's are gonna get swine flu!
F*CK!

"Premier John Brumby called for calm after warnings one in eight - 600,000 Victorians - will get swine flu in the next 12 months."

It's alright though... coz the governement have STOCKPILES of a flu drug called Tamiflu

"Almost all H1N1 samples tested last winter were resistant to Tamiflu, the World Health Organization said"

DOUBLE F*CK!

The good news is that there's another drug that's way more effective and being bought by governments all over the world. It's called Relenza... I wouldn't mind buying some biotech shares at this point in time...

I think biotech shares'd be K-Rudd's GFC-Stimulation-$900 cheque bonanza well spent.

That's the hot tip.

I'd buy shares with my $900 for sure...
but I've just spent spent it all on a tattoo, some jeans, a bit of rent, a hoodie and the new Middle East EP.

People have blogged this band to the moon and back, my mentioning them here is nothing new. but seriously. The EP is close to 25 minutes long and world class.
This is the single, listen and love it.

Playing in Melbourne at The Northcote Social Club on Saturday 13th June. Who wants to come?

I've just been told i'm too old for Triple J

I feel like I did when I first read The Alchemist by Paul Coelho. Someone has just told me something that I knew in my heart all along. But they put it so succinctly that it's like turning on a lightbulb in my head. It could change my life.

Remember back in my first blog post? (it got 150 gazillion internet hits so i'd suprised if you hadn't! read it now if ya want.)

It was about how sh*t Australian Hip Hop is and how Triple J lost the plot. (and how many other people also think they've lost the plot).
Check out the facebook group dedicated to bringing down Triple J if you need reminding...

Well, here's a really succinct, insightful response to my increasing frustration with the station on the blog called "parables for wooden ears"
If you feel a little alienated by triple j these day's then I think you should read it...

This article was sent to me by a mysterious friend who's alias is "brew" He sends me heaps of links all day, it's good to have link sending friends. He also made the raddest comment on this blog.

"adios"

So... Triple J doesn't suck. The station isn't crap.
It doesn't even have to lick my balls!

In fact it can just keep on doing what it does best. Playing music for teenage kids who like electro, hip hop, rock and indie.

The problem is with me, and maybe you. It's with us, not the station.

It's because I'm getting old. I'm out of the loop. I'm not the target demographic. I've outgrown it. Triple J is for 13 to 25 year olds dammit!
It's built to ween kids off Nova, Fox and Triple M.
But it wont take you into serious niche territory as your music tastes become refined.

I'm at peace with this. I can listen to Vega, 3AW, Gold 104, Magic 693, SEN Sports and other far more adult stations now.

I can let triple J go... and it'll give me freedom, my life will change for the better.
In the same way reading The Alchemist made me quit psychology, change uni's, dump an ex ex ex ex girlfriend and start diggin life heaps more.

This is a big moment for me, but it's been a long time coming.
I'll look back fondly, but I won't miss you triple j.
I'll tune in and vote for the hottest 100 though.

Bon Iver, Pitchshifter and Breathmints

Let's have a lesson in Vocoders and Pitch Shifters....

I was never a fan of a heavily processed voice. As a rule I like it raw. The voice is a beautiful thing. Why wreck it with a machine?

I think Cher's Pitch Shifted song "believe" (click links if you wanna here it, i certainly ain't putting it on my website though) was the first time I became aware of such an effect. And it totally ruined it for me.
That said, I think Cher may have ruined me full stop. Man... I still shudder at this film clip. It destroyed me. (click links if you wanna SEE it, i certainly ain't putting it on my website either)
Freud would have a f*cking field day. The combination of so much, sorry many, semen, sorry seamen... and the phallus to end all phalli. (yes, that plural is too good to be true. "The Dubai skyline just looks like a bunch of phalli". Use it, it's fun.)

Anyway, Radiohead did a cool thing with fitter, happier (beautiful clip) and Tomahawk did an even cooler thing with aktion f1413 (scary song). They both used computers or computer generated vocoder voice manipulation to sound futuristic, cold and detached.. nice

Then Kanye sampled Daft Punk and I lost my shit... It can sound funky too! (forget the fact that Daft Punk did it first. They're a bunch of overrated robots anyway... Seriously.)

You know what they say about Kanye yeah?

If it's cool enough for Kanye, It's cool enough for everybody!

Anyway... Earlier this year I heard this INCREDIBLE song.



The music is by Bon Iver. Who played possibly the best gig I've seen in the last 12 months. And the album was one of the best albums released last year. (ask anyone, they all think the same!) People were in tears around me. Heart wrenching beautiful stuff.

This is a newer song for Bon Iver. Normally he's so stripped back... Just bare emotion ya know? This time it's his layered voice with pitch shifter and reverb. It starts of makin me feel uncomfortable but ends up sounding so lush and rich and beautiful. The orchestra of layered vocals is pretty breathtaking. Bon must have had fun making this.

It's like nothing I've ever heard. What a simple and original way to use the pitch shifter! I'd never seen it before... or again... I'd never liked pitchshifter so much.


until...


this add...






Dammit! Advertising f*cks up everything!

Either Bon Iver isn't hip at all. Or Eclipse are the Freshest! of all Mints... Even more so than Mentos.

A Seminal Review

Permission to speak freely?

Cheers.

I used to read a lot of CD reviews.

It meant heaps to me if my favorite albums got a great review.
But it affected me badly when they got bad reviews. It would force me to look at the albums in a different light... and often I'd stop liking them.
I'm scarred by other people's opinions..

I've since come to realise that a review is a form of art in itself.
Some are brilliant, others are just f*cking lazy.

As a stand alone work, a review should entertain and inform. A good review should:
- not peddle cliches and platitudes.
- come from a neutral position.
- avoid being pretentious. It's just music.
- not just be be positive because of the "internet buzz"
- not just be negative because of an agenda, backlash or preconcieved point of view

as the seminal artists Frank Zappa said:
"writing about music is like dancing about architecture"

There's a long running habit in music reviews to use the word Seminal. Reviewers en masse jumped on the word it and now you can't read a single music publication without coming across the word.

See random examples below picked specially out of thousands i found online:

1. I'd also suggest Justin's Like I Love You was far more seminal a POP moment than Cry Me A River.
2. Rock & Roll Feature: The Sex Pistols' Seminal Album Turns 30
3. The 25th anniversary of a seminal punk album -- The Clash's ''London Calling'' is as groundbreaking, explosive, and politically relevant as ever
4. Seminal albums - free with The Times and The Sunday Times
5. IF Girls Aloud were to have 1 seminal pop song it would have to be Sound of the Underground.
   
6. ^ "the development of IDM (Intelligent Dance Music) is closely entwined with a mailing list established to discuss the work of seminal post-techno producers like Autechre and Aphex Twin; in fact, the name ‘IDM’ originated with the mailing list, but now is routinely applied by reviewers, labels and fans alike."
7. Not fussed by the rest of her material, but I think Crazy In Love has got to be THE seminal pop song of the decade.

Now. I went to a dictionary on behalf of all of us


SEMINAL (adj): pertaining to or containing or consisting of semen.*

So.... reinterpret some of the links above?

1. I'd also suggest Justin's Like I Love You was far more made of man juice than Cry Me A River.
2. Rock & Roll Feature: The Sex Pistols' Sperm filled Album Turns 30
3. The 25th anniversary of a punk album made from jizz-- The Clash's ''London Calling'' is as groundbreaking, explosive, and politically relevant as ever
4. Albums of Sprogg - free with The Times and The Sunday Times
5. IF Girls Aloud were to have 1 pop song consisting of sperm it would have to be Sound of the Underground.
   
6. ^ "the development of IDM (Intelligent Dance Music) is closely entwined with a mailing list established to discuss the work of cum filled post-techno producers like Autechre and Aphex Twin; in fact, the name ‘IDM’ originated with the mailing list, but now is routinely applied by reviewers, labels and fans alike."
7. Not fussed by the rest of her material, but I think Crazy In Love has got to be THE semen loaded pop song of the decade.

OK now for the music...

"If I'm Going To Become a 'Seminal Artist', I'd Better Suck Up To the critics a little more" by the Flying Luttenbachers from the album " The Truth is a f*cking lie"

It ain't easy to listen too. Full on avant garde Jazz...







* I know Seminal it can also mean "containing the seed of things to come" but I just can't really get over the words unfortunate homonymic cousin.

Ain't No Midnight Cowboy

I was invited to The Toff In Town by a boss... (Sweet Venue/Bar with great sound but a slightly pretentious vibe on Swanston Street's most exciting building)
It was late afternoon business meeting.
A bunch of people in my industry were to have an informal Q&A session to talk about an exciting opportunity/venture.

Sounded exciting and intriguing.

John Voight and Dustin Hoffman

The meeting was made up of about a dozen people that were kind of famous (within our industry). All very well respected and highly regarded.
They were people that I admired.

I was introduced to them all. I knew who they were but they didn't know me. I wasn't scared or intimidated, in fact they all made me feel very welcome...
But i felt I was there really just there to take it all in and learn (and look handsome).

We all grabbed a beer/wine/g&t and sat around a table and had a question and answer session. Some pertinent questions were asked...
some pointed answers were made...
it was food for thought.

Remember this meeting was in a bar so it was it was a bit hard to hear (my hearing is crap anyway but the music was just above comfortable conversation level)

I sat and listened with respect, nodding my head and grunting agreeably (and lookin handsome), taking notes until the stereo started blaring a few notches higher in volume... playing an incredible piece of music.

it was loud. awesome. and very distracting.
12/8 time signature. Corny strings, synths, accordian, drums, guitar. Not much subtlety. A bit of an epic vibe. I've loved it for years.




We had to wait until the climax of the song had died down untl we could actually speak again.
Every one at the stopped meeting was like.

"what the f*ck is this song"?

I knew exactly what it was.
In my head I said with enthusiasm

"It's Faith No More's Cover of the theme from Midnight Cowboy! Off their 1992 album Angel Dust (2nd last track, just before their cover of Lionel Ritchie's 'Easy')! Midnight Cowboy was A classic but wildly controversial 1969 movie starring John Voight and Dustin Hoffman! There's thousands of versions of this song around! This one's great!"

I knew all this. I could have told them all how much I knew. I could have risen above my observing roll and taken center stage...

but i didn't.

the moment passed.

I wonder if they would have been impressed with my knowledge of Faith No More and 60's cult westerns? I've wondered this ever since that afternoon at the toff.

Anyway, in the second of two amzing reunion announcements a coupla months ago I found out that Faith No More were reforming!

F*CKIN YEAH WOOOOOHHHHOOOOOO! I'm pretty excited about the prospect of seeing them. I'm going to tackle the issue of mike patton (lead singer extraordinaire who doesn't even appear in the midnight cowboy cover) in a future blog... I imagine it'll be some of my best material.

OK...

ADDED ILLEGITIMATE CHILDREN BONUS SONGS!!!!!!!

Henry Mancini's original version of the Midnight Cowboy theme song. Infinately classier than Faith No More's version. Oh yeah...




Harry Nilsson's Classic Song off the Midnight Cowboy soundtrack "EVERYBODY'S TALKIN At ME... i can't here a word they're sayin..."

The Night Terrors:

Last night I was talking to a guy who I hadn't seen in years (he went to my high school but wasn't in my year level, for the sake of this story I'm gonna call him Frank). I never liked Frank. He was exceptionally tall, had blonde hair and was a douchebag.
Just didn't like his attitude or his manner. It always bugged me. So smug, so superior...

For some reason we saw eachother at a party and he started grilling me about my life.

Where do you live?
Got an active social life?
Still Playing music?

What do you do?
How much do you earn?

Do you like Psy-Trance?
Going to see Armin Van Buuren's 6 Hour set at Winter Sound System (ie. some sh*tty rave) at Rod Laver Arena?

My answers to his questions bought about dismissive and condescending reactions... Frank was baiting me. Teasing. He's one of those people that knows exactly what buttons to press. My blood boiled and he kept pushing those buttons.

One thing led to another and I ended up punching him in the face.




Then I woke up...

Strange dream really. But sort of satisfying. hmmm...

If Brendan "dildo" Fevola roosted a drop punt south east from my house it would land on the roof of The East Brunswick Club. An old pub with New Zealand All Blacks posters, wide screen TV on the walls, pub meals and a square box of band room out the back. The PA is top notch however and since the place was reinvented about 6 years ago it hosts amazing bands on a weekly basis.

Working behind the bar there is an extremely tall dude, blonde hair, kind of lanky. He's not Frank but he certainly reminds me of him so I can't help but feel a little bit of distaste creep into my waters when I see him.

It's unfair because he actually seems quite a cool guy when you talk to him.

Then earlier this week I was reading about a band called the The Night Terrors. I recognised the tall East Brunswick Club barmn as the major subject of the article.

Turns out he's one of Australia's foremost Theremin players.

Manipulating Sin waves to make spooky ghost noises isn't a normal man's past-time. But it takes skill.

Image from www.myspace.com/thenightterrors

East Brunswick man is starting look pretty cool now. (that's him in full flight with guitar and theremin above).

So. I checked out his band. (finally I get to the point)

The Night Terrors are great. It's scary, synthy, schlock horror, spooky, cheesy, heavy, clever, well structured, interesting, beautiful and original.
Drums, Bass, Synths and Theremin. No words, no vocals.




There ya go. I ordered their just album from their myspace. I'm lovin it. Can't wait to see them live at the John Curtain hotel in a coupla weeks before they tour Europe later this year.

It's rad to see a band forging their own musical path. Doing their own thing and avoiding hipster influences. Making world class music and doing it locally.

I still hate frank though.

Are You Cool?

A friend of mine told me about a website called "THE COOL HUNTER"
The premise is that you will check out the website in order to be told what's cool... Ironically this friend is quite cool... she doesn't need the cool hunter.

I'm downright skeptical about The Cool Hunter. Isn't it pretty uncool? To be told what's cool? To subscribe to a website that'll tell you what's cool?

I think it's one of the least cool websites i've ever seen. High end cars and baby clothes and buff shirtless dudes from Bondi?

THAT. AINT. COOL.

Pretty much everyone I know doesn't own a Japanese penthouse, a diamond studded new generation mini cooper or a chapel street clothing store with heaps of mirrors and Gainsville furniture. But the people I know are rad...
I hate the cool hunter... don't like it's premise or it's attitude or anything it features as 'cool'.

Photo from Cool Hunter

Apart from these kids actually. I wish I had his flannel. And if I met a girl aged 25 who was wearing her clothes with that cute fringe, i'd probably be quite enamored... (sigh)

Another friend (his name is spike) sent me this link... http://www.myspace.com/threetrappedtigers. Here's the entirety of our skype conversation... it'll give you an insight into the intellect and depth of conversation that we music industry losers enjoy.

Spike @ 4:01 PM
http://www.myspace.com/threetrappedtigers

Me @ 4:02 PM
two can play at this game
http://www.myspace.com/thenightterrors

Spike @ 4:02 PM
haha yeh on EXO records.

Me @ 4:45 PM
threetrappedtigers
fuck yeah!

Spike @ 4:45 PM
oh yeh!

Me @ 4:45 PM
rad. where'dya hear about em?

Spike @ 4:46 PM
blog about them dude. it'll make you look cool.
haha

Me @ 4:46 PM
yeah maybe I will.
i need to look cool

Commentary: This is where we get profound

Spike @ 4:46 PM
being cool isnt cool
not being cool is cool

Me @ 4:47 PM
cool by not being cool is cool unless your trying not to be cool, which isnt cool at all.

Spike @ 4:47 PM
exactly.

So... welcome to Illegetimate Childrens first Cool Blog.

This is possibly the first time as a blogger I can be ahead of the pack. You'll notice that all the stuff I blog about loving is ancient in the blogosphere. I'd be laughed out of town at South By South West or Popkomm. That's where the cool people are one step of the game.

So wanna hear the band we're talking about?

4 - Three Trapped Tigers

Oh my... I just lost my sh*t. That is ummmm... WICKED!

Well worth following the link on that 30 second snippet for a listen to the full track...
It's totally down my alley, instrumental music, piano, drums, bass, post rock, math rock, technical wizardry, groovy, great sounds.
There's even better songs on their myspace so go there... Undeniably Cool. I also just bought the EP...

There ya go. I do need to be told what's cool... thanks spike

Finally... A confession

I own two albums about being cool. Both are critical favorites but you know what? I don't dig em at all. Overrated.

Miles Davis - The Birth Of The Cool (apparently Lisa Simpsons Favorite Album - thanks wiki)
Lupe Fiasco - The Cool (just didn't get into it)

Can you believe I called Miles Davis Overrated? ZING!

Wow, that's actually not cool.

Nels Cline: Jazz Maverick

On Friday, I went to see the Laughing Clowns supported by Nels Cline at The Forum...
I couldn't find anyone else who I thought would like the gig, so I took myself...

It was to be a night of high culture. Part of of The Melbourne Intertanional Jazz Festival.

The plan was:
Finish work, cook me dinner and have a few beers, catch the tram with me into the city and watch Nels Cline (Jazz/Alt-Country Maverick) before seeing the extremely legendary Laughing Clowns (Punk/Freeform Jazz = pretty hard going!) play their first gig in 24 years.

Then hopefully, on an emotional high after the gig I would buy myself some more beers, enjoy my company and engaging sense of humour while get nicely liquored up and take me home, sweet talk myself into bed and then wake up with me in the morning, not feeling a bit guilty, feeling happy, no regrets, like this is the start of something. Then maybe Id cook me breakfast before heading my separate ways for the day, with the promise of doing it again sometime.

So? Who is Nels Cline?
Guitarist from Wilco. The music is rock/country but when he solos. Oh my... Deary me... Beautiful... Listen to this video if you want something that makes you warm inside. It's wilco! it's nels cline at his sensitive best. Jazz tinged flights of free melody and Harmony.

The guitar fireworks start at 2:40

"Impossible Germany" by Wilco from 5ainte on Vimeo.

Anyway, I was expecting a version of that. I had visions of it Nels CLine leadinga jazz trio with some beautifully structured guitar solos. Perfect for a romantic night with me.

Imagine my suprise when i saw 45 minutes of this...

Nels Cline + Devin Sarno - the wulf from ZF FILMS on Vimeo

Clearly I didn't do my homework..

17 Minutes? couldn't last through the video? Don't worry. It's just white noise, a pedal note, some interesting textures, loop stations and pedals.

(side note: vimeo shits on youtube don't it! Great qualty, so easy to use)

It's hard work but not beyond redemption. I think the beauty of this music is that you can listen intently for so long without hearing anything resembling a melody or harmony, just slowly evolving noise waves until you're sick of it. and then... a chord... 1 simple chord... or 1 fragment of melody and all the tension of the past 10 minutes is released, the heavens open and relief floods your brain and senses.

kind of like going for a wee after busting for ages.

It takes patience and skill to play 'music' like that.

I'm not sure about people who really love this music and listen to it at gigs, nodding their head knowlingly the whole time. (I like it sometimes, but i do have genuine concerns that if I dig it too much my head my get lost somewhere up my anus).

It's Natural To Be Afraid: at Merri Creek

In the wee hours of the morning, last night. I was traveling on foot between a partay in Northcote and my joint in Brunswick

It was late and I was underdressed (flannel with t-shirt underneath, in case you were wondering) and it was freezing (6 degees, i looked at the temperature clock on the corner of Lygon and Blyth, in case you were wondering)...

I started jogging... (it was cold and it would have taken me about an hour to walk, i wanted some peppermint tea... STAT)

I'd prepared well for the journey home coz I bought my ipod with me...

So I was listening to this beautiful music...
There wasn't another person the street... Dew was on the ground, stars above, i was drunk and happy

I 'had a moment'

when I crossed the bridge over Merri Creek...

as this song hit a crescendo... layer and layer of guitars crashing, chaotic drums... and a silent pitch black water flowing below. Very beautiful... (Sigh)

It was a perfect soundtrack moment, the cinemetography of what I was seeing with the soundtrack provided by mass marketed hardware, digital files and a post rock band from texas.

a creek, but not merri

I often wish the people who write these music were able to see what I saw as I as listening to them. I'm pretty sure Explosions In The Sky write their music with exactly these moments in mind.

And good on em too! I think they tread a fine line between homage, influence and wholesale piracy of Mogwai but as far as slow-burning-no-words-post-rock for people-like-me-who-like-to-get-emotional-without-having-to-concentrate-on-lyrics goes. They're pretty great! Props to Explosions In The Sky...

This song is long... 13 minutes, sit through it if you have the patience... relax, chek your emails...

The other thing is that in 2005, Explosions In The Sky, spent 8 days writing recording one song from scratch a day. They released it as free EP called "The Rescue". You can download it legally by CLICKIN HERE

Product Placement: This Blog's less tight than ABC's RAGE

I'm not sure if you've realised, but Illegitimate Children (henderson's blog) is a hotbed of commenting activity.

It certainly has caught me be suprise. That's why it took me ages to see this comment. I want to thank 'anonymous' for this. This is what I want. Informed discussion about cool music, the state of the Australian music industry, interspersed with the odd swear word (like 'f*ck', 'sh*t' or 'Carnivorous rUNT').

Here's the comment... it was after Illegitimate Children's rant about ridiculous funding for Olympic sports compared to music and culture which gets sweet f*ck all.

hey while you're havin a bit of a bang on about the govt, something just came to my attention which freakin irks me to no end. the abc - now i'm a massive fan of aunty but bugger me they've gone a bit too far. i just heard that the new kram clip for 'silk suits' is not allowed to be aireed on the abc because they shot it at the rod laver arena (just to tie into your sporting theme here) and there are sponsorship ads in the background. what a load of fucking horse shit. have the abc lost the plot?? do they seriously think that their clips don't have brand endorsed product placement all the way through them? what about when the Hoods wear DC shoes or the Finger wear connies - do they thyink they just went out and bought them so they could look cool in their film clips? Get fucking real abc - nearly all of the bands yoiu play on triple jtv or rage have some kind of endorsement deal in place. perhaps they should stop any band playing who's drummer is sponsored by pearl or the guitarist has a gibson deal. dickheads

Wicked. Thanks anonymous! I wasn't aware of this. It's a great comment. And I reckon right on the money. Very perceptive. Great Insight. If I may... just a few comments on that comment.

1. "irk" = Great word... gotta use it more
2. Appreciated this bit "what a load of fucking horse shit"
3. Clearly this clip is filmed on one of the show courts at Melbourne Park... Not Rod Laver Arena... get it right.



It sounds like Kram always does, fun but not much depth... ZING. The redeeming feature is that it confirms my long held belief that (former WTA Ranked World Number 8 Alicia Molik - thanks wiki) was rather attractive. Underrated as a tennis player and underrated as a looker!

Also, check out the rally from 1:40 to 2:00. Krams cross court winner is freakin epic. LOVE IT!

So, how do feel about Garnier, KIA, The Herald Sun, Australia Post and Adidas and MOTORHEAD T-Shirts?
This blog whole-heartedly endorses all brands appearing a KRAM video clip...

If RAGE won't play it, I will. I don't have any code of practice or editorial policy. This is a niche for this blog.

ALSO HUGE HUGE UPS TO CONNOR BEAVS FOR HIS SICK PIGEON PHOTO... THANKS DUDE.

Damon Albarn is better without Blur

I wish the Dean of Melbourne "Con"servatorium of Music had told me that I could become Damon Albarn if I continued studying ethnomusicolagy.

H1 = First Class Honours = I heart Music Cultures of Asia

I could have done 2nd, 3rd and 4th year Ethnomusicology subjects too but I thought there was no future in studying world music.

I've just been looking at an extremely high resolution picture of my hero. Click it... it's massive. I get a bit gooey when I think about him. Even when he's covered in tomato.

For a Britpop sun of a gun, he's released some seriously out there sh*t. Travelled the world, researched his arse off, immersed himself in African and Asian music cultures and written produced some amazing music.

BLUR told everyone (a couple of months ago) that they're reforming... I don't know whether to lose my shit in excitement or crack the shits out of disappointment)

Damon, doesn't need Blur...

Here's a reverse chronological 5 song tour of Damon "tomato lover" Albarn and some of the amazing music he's written and played since. He don't need Blur.


Heavenly Peach Banquet - Monkey
One of the best songs written last year. Full stop. It's From his Chinese Opera. "Monkey - Journey To The West"
Continues my love of songs where I can't understand the words... I actually found a translation to the words while researching this... a little disappointing... its about a garden full of tasty Peaches. But it's wayyyy better than anything made by 'the presidents of the USA' Oh Yes the music is blissful. Blithful.

Kingdom Of Doom - The Good The Bad and The Queen
take 1 part Blur add, 1 part The Clash (Paul Simonon), add to one part Afro Beat Legend (Tony Allen, Fela Kuti etc...) and one part The Verve (Simon Tong)... This is a supergroup I'd love to cook to breakfast with. mournful, acoustic, afro, dub, pop, ballad - never heard anything like it.

The Last Living Souls - Gorillaz
Gorillaz first album was good... but had some filler. Gorillaz 2nd album was ridiculously freakin awesome... produced by Danger Mouse... this is the first track off that album... it sets the tone for a hip-hop, rock, pop, jazz, gospel, cartoon musical adventure. I think this is where Damon entered the stratosphere. The Live DVD of the album is a feast for the eyes too.

Niger - Mali Music
In 2000 Mr. Albarn traveled to Mali as an ambassador for Oxfam, along the way meeting and playing with dozens of musicians.

"He recorded his collaborations and returned to his London studio with more than 40 hours of music. "I spent two years figuring out how I could turn it into something that would satisfy me as a musician but also make some kind of cross-cultural link" - BBC

Then released this dreamy album in 2002.

Coffee and TV - BLUR
Back to his roots. Nuff Said. Pretty wickid but he's moved on.

Mango Pickle Down River

I was listening to MIA (daughter of a terrorist/freedomfighter... with questionable politics... watch this video for something heavy... it's a can of worms that I'm not going to get into. It's pretty graphic... definately MA15+...).

I thought her first album (Arular) was overrated... but I'm only just getting into Kala (the second one), I think it's brilliant... It's been out for, like, 2 years now, I'm hip.

Its got some mad tracks... party bangers galore, tasty beatz etc.
But among the hits is this understated, low fi sample of a disgeridoo and rhythm sticks

Mango Pickle Down River is an almost completely untreated version of the song Down River, which originally released by a 4 Aboriginal kids (aged 8 to 12) from Wilcannia. They were called The Walcannia Mob.
It came in at number 16 in Triple J's hottest 100 in 2002... I don't remember it (but my housemate Pineboy does).

The treatment of the music is so subtle that it could be a field recording. I've never heard the didgeridoo sound so right in a popular music style. Normally the Didge in rock, or sampled in dance or hip hop just SHITS me.

Here's a list of didge players that shit me...

1. Xavier Rudd. Australia's answer to Jack Johnson... music to fall asleep at the wheel to. And he plays 5 different didgeridoos... and a guitar... and some drums... and a djembe... jack of all trades, master of__________?
   
2. Cockatoo Pete - Have you ever been to Byron Bay? Have you ever stayed at the arts factory? Ever done the bushtucker tour with Cockatoo Pete? Need I say more?
3. The raver trance didge player on Bourke Street Mall that drones away with a hard progressive beatz in the background... very loud... not cool.
   

Sorry, I don't mean to get all Robert Doyle on you (idiot mayor of Melbourne).

Anyway, now for the music

Kudos to MIA. She found this slice of wonderfully innocent Aboriginal life (we don't always get to see that side of it) and gave it a worldwide audience. I think MIA's treatment of the music and lyrics is sensitive and clever. Sounds like she had fun doing her verses.

I get the same feeling from a series photos taken by an Australian artist Belinda Mason. This is one that one a human rights and equal opportunities commission award for best photo in 2008.

It's got the same vibe of valuing the simple life... although in this case, it's simple comparison between aboriginal life in the northern territory and white life in the city.

I think its a beautiful photo. (click to enlarge)